The Art of Attention

I spent the month of May in a social media and news media blackout. I was finding myself anxious and distracted. Allowing my attention and energy to be siphoned by the very mediums that are designed to do exactly that. I know better, yet I was still caught in the web. I decided to commit to not engaging with anything outside of my own life and community and little corner of the world for 31 days.

It was a bit disorienting at first. I was used to waking up and immediately checking my phone. The news. Facebook. And having my attention sucked into the void. The void of fear and comparison and anger and outrage. When I didn’t have that distraction to engage with, I was left with myself. Distraction is an addiction and it takes many forms. All forms point to the same root…moving away from ourselves and into something outside of ourselves. As a way to procrastinate, numb, keep from thinking about or dealing with things that may be uncomfortable. Ways to fill the God shaped hole. Like anything, once I broke the habit and got over the initial discomfort, I didn’t miss it. And I found myself putting all of that extra attention into my actual life. Tending my own garden. Literally and figuratively.

One of the best things that occurred was that I got clarity on something I have been circling for years now. Really my whole life. Who am I ? What am I here to do? I had collected so many pieces of the puzzle, but had been at a loss of how they fit together. It kind of came to a head about a week ago, and I found myself very frustrated and sad and angry. And then…it seemed to click in a way it had not before. I realized that I had been trying to jump to the end of the story. Designing and building a cathedral when all I really craved and wanted and needed was the equivalent of an altar. Something real where I could lay down the mess and sift through it to find the gold. And when I pulled back the curtains, I realized that I already had what I had been seeking. This whole time. That probably doesn't make sense. But it does to me.

Today I was driving home from some errands and I passed a groundhog in the middle of the road. It was writhing and I heard it let out shrieks and screams. No other cars were around, but I surmised it had just been hit and was still alive. I turned around and got out of my car to kneel down beside it. During those few seconds, she passed. I gathered her up into a shirt that was in my car and took her home with me. We have a tree on our property that we have dubbed the Death Tree. She is old and magnificent and stands alone in the middle of our field. She has a cavern on one side that looks like a tunnel leading to her center...I am pretty sure it is a portal. I have adorned her with crystals and treasures and we take all of our dead animals to her and place them into the opening. This sounds like we have a lot of dead animals. I would like to clarify that we have a normal amount...considering the number of creatures we tend. I laid my new groundhog friend at the base of the tree and covered her with flowers and feathers and gave her a proper send off to wherever groundhogs go when their souls depart this realm. I do not know where that is. But I am sure it is somewhere beautiful.

During this groundhog funeral, another piece of the puzzle clicked into place. You may be wondering…Am I saying that my purpose in life is to pick up roadkill and then place it into a hole in a tree? I mean…I am not NOT saying that. Not exactly.

The realization was this: My work is attention. What I choose to notice. And how I translate what I see into beauty and meaning.

I texted these photos to Jeromy Scott, and his immediate reply was….Jesus. Lol! Followed up with…That is weirdly beautiful. Those are the words that sit at the heart of everything I am here to convey. Weirdly Beautiful.

Our lives are the culmination of what we pay attention to. What we place our gaze on. The people and things we tend to. Our attention is our most valuable resource. I no longer want to squander mine on things that are outside of my control that defeat and deflate me. I want to lavish my attention on my weirdly beautiful life and all of the creatures that inhabit it. All of the moments that are strange and wonderful and tender and funny and heartbreaking and irreverent and mine. The sacred is very often hiding in our everyday, ordinary lives. And if we aren’t paying attention, it will pass us right by.

Who knew that the secret of life was conveyed to us by the great sage and mystic Ferris Bueller in the year of our Lord 1986.

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

Pay attention to what fascinates and excites you. The things that keep calling to you are very likely trying to lead you back to yourself.