Wanderlust

Am I the only person who has trouble with traveling? I don't think I do it very well. I love planning and the period leading up to a trip. The excitement. The possibilities. The imagined version of myself wandering cobblestone streets and conversing with interesting strangers.

But when I actually get to where I am going, it doesn't take long before I feel anxious and unmoored. Ready to go home. This is a real problem for a feral hippy who likes to think she lives with wanderlust in her heart, when in actuality she just wants to be at home in her bed with her dog.

I also always feel like I am not doing a trip justice. Not taking it all in or experiencing enough. Not doing whatever it is I should be doing to take full advantage. I tend to overplan and then absolutely hate being on a schedule. Or I just wing it and then berate myself for not planning better. It is a bit ridiculous.

Around four years ago I had such a magical and perfect first visit to San Francisco. I was invited to speak at a short-term investor conference and took my son Jack along with me. We didn't have any plans about how to spend our free time, but somehow stumbled into what felt like magic at every turn.

We took an Uber to Haight-Ashbury and wandered into some really cool stores where I found so many treasures. While we were walking, we heard beautiful music coming from a park across the street. We followed the sound and walked right into a free opera being hosted by the San Francisco Opera. I felt like I was in another world.

We also explored Japantown and found the best bookstores and food and artwork. Artwork that adorns our walls today. We saw the sea lions at the Wharf. We took the ferry to Alcatraz. It was haunting and educational.

We took an Uber to the Mission District just because and got dumped on a random, weird street where there appeared to be a neighborhood yard sale/cookout/party. People had blankets on the sidewalks with their wares spread out. Men with no shirts were cooking on grills in the street. Kids were running around playing. No one spoke English. We felt like we walked into someone's family reunion.

As we turned a corner, we saw a line of people next to a warehouse. So we naturally stepped into it. It turned out to be a pop-up Stranger Things Experience. You enter Hawkins Lab under the guise of being participants in a sleep study and get thrown into this really cool interactive experience. So random and perfect.

The whole trip just felt like being at the right place at the right time.

I was so excited to go back with Scott for my birthday this weekend and secretly planned to recreate the magic.

The first day we were there we went to Japantown. Most of it was under construction. You couldn't access the plaza or many shops. The mall was not as cool as I remembered. It was all meh.

So we headed over to Haight-Ashbury. I just felt like I was in Gatlinburg with the rednecks being replaced by hippies. It was so touristy.

I started getting really sad and anxious. Kind of spiraling. This wasn't what I had in mind and it was messing with my head. Had I imagined all of the magic? What was different? The place? Me? Both?

It was not helpful that I had also just started my period and it was my actual birthday, with some pretty heavy transits happening. If you are tuned into that sort of thing, you know the astrological weather can feel just as real as the physical weather sometimes. And it seemed that I had a perfect storm cloud over my head.

I was in that space where I am not actually crying, but tears are just forming in my eyes and leaking out. God. Why am I like this?

Thankfully Golden Gate Park was still there. The trees don't change and they are good medicine. We walked through the park and I felt better.

We then went to the pier and saw the sea lions. They made me smile. We got some seafood for dinner. Food always makes me happy.

The next day, with no plans, we set out and ended up having the kind of day I was longing for.

We had yummy coffee and pastries for breakfast. We took a Waymo driverless car to Ocean Beach. Which was definitely the highlight of Scott’s trip. I was just glad it didn’t glitch and drive us off a cliff. We watched dogs and naked babies play in the surf. Saw surfers, fishermen, and sunbathers enjoying the day. We laid on the beach and listened to the waves.

Lunch was at a beachy taco shack. And then we stumbled upon a pop-up vintage sale where I got a super cute purse. Explored the historical City Lights Bookstore and the upstairs poetry room. We ended the night at the Chinese New Year Parade in Chinatown ringing in the Year of the Fire Horse.

Exactly the kind of magical day I was hoping for.

I don’t think you can recreate magic. You can invite it. Be ready for it. But you can’t schedule it.

My first trip was so special because I wasn’t trying to make it be anything. I was just open and excited and ready to take the day as it came. The moment you put expectations on something, you create the possibility for disappointment.

Magic lives entirely free of an agenda. It can be found in the present moment.

And we can meet it there.

This trip was a good reminder to stick to my default setting of just winging things. It seems to work much better for me. It is when I go against my natural inclination of going with the flow that I seem to have the most resistance in life.

C’est la vie. Come what may. Here’s to wonder and wandering.